Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Scream

The Scream
7.5 x 7.5
Teresa Beyer

I can feel my heart SCREAM as the joy slips away. Promises unfulfilled uprooted into a new state and a new city. No family no friends. Desperately seeking fulfillment outside of myself. Hopes and dreams were slipping away as sadness and grief overcame me.

NO ~ NO ~ NO . . . I don’t want this, I didn’t move here for this. “Ahhh another opportunity for growth.” “God does not give us more than we can handle.” Sayings! Just what are they meant to do? Bring me comfort! WELL THEY DON’T!!! I hurt, I’m scared and I’m all alone.

I’m screaming from deep within my soul, a primal yell ~ I just want and need a friend. I need a friend who will sit and listen. Listen to what is causing me my grief and heartache. Can you be a friend ~ a heart with ears. I need a good Heart Hug. For seven months I attended the same church attended book studies and tried to make friends. People knew ~ they knew I was hurting and they left me alone.

Finally I returned to my program of recovery ~ and there I have found my tribe once again. The women reached out, called me and listened. Invited me to join them on their outings. The women with much love helped me find my center, my God center. This is much more than a recovery program it is a way of life. A life that I thought and believed I had outgrown. I may not have drunk but my disease was full blown. Thank God for this program of recovery because as soon as I walked in and reached out I had so many people reaching back.

I have come full circle in many ways ~ today I am smiling a smile that comes from deep within my heart and my soul is singing a song of joy.

Today I am painting with confidence, inspiration and pleasure. I am establishing myself in the art community and filled with a desire to express all of this that is inside.

Keeping the brushes wet,

fears faced, hearts mended, faith restored, and love bared

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